Summer Rain August 2022

 Summer rain

so very welcome

drenching dry ground,

and providing needed 

drink to refresh wilted flowers 

and  thirsty trees.

Lightening pierces the dark sky

and thunder rumbles loudly

Raindrops fall atop the

red umbrella I sit under

on an old wood rocker.

There’s something peaceful

about listening to the steady

beat of the rain, like repeating 

a mantra to help soothe the soul

I ponder, are they 

tears from Heaven

of dear ones there?

Sad for those sad without them here

But in observing the rain

and pondering some more

Perhaps tears of joy

for true love claimed

Farewell, My Sweet Maggie May

When we first got her she seemed shy, and a little sad. The folks at the Animal Shelter told us she was three, and had been shuffled around more than once; her name was Maggie. To which we added Maggie May, Black Maggie (because her hair was coal black), Maggie Doodle (because she was a Labradoodle), and sometimes we just called her Mags.                                         

It didn’t take Maggie Doodle long to adapt to her new environment, and in a short time any shyness, and sadness was replaced with what seemed a happy liveliness, and doggie contentment.  Our home then was nestled in on 10 wooded acres above Rockford Bay on Lake Coeur d Alene. Maggie loved being outside; roaming and running through the trees. She reminded me of a racehorse stretching her legs full gait, knowing only one speed - fast! Especially when chasing after tennis balls Gary and I would throw. It would take her no time at all to find, and retrieve. Maggie would run and chase balls all day if we let her. 

A stranger couldn’t sneak up on Maggie undetected, making her a great watchdog, and she knew several words, too: Outside, walk, ball, bed, Dad, dinner, treat, Cheerios, cheeseball. Cheerios became her favorite food, and thought it a fun game when I’d take a handful and throw them out back for her to search for, find, then eat.

We’ve always had dogs. Yes, often more than one dog at a time.  Gary doted on them all. When he became ill with Alzheimer’s, he focused even more attention on Maggie. And she responded in kind, always wanting to please; staying by his side, alerting me if he was trying to get out of bed, or his red leather recliner chair. She would come to wherever I was at - the front room, bathroom or kitchen nudge my leg and turn back toward Gary, waiting for me to follow.                                      

After my darling Gary passed away, Maggie May transferred all her loyalty, devotion, protective eye to me. I think she sensed my great sorrow at the loss of both my husband and my Mother, and we became even better pals, eating our meals together and watching TV.  Mags liked watching TV a lot.

 Sadly, the last few months Maggie’s health rapidly declined, her body wearing out, and needing my help to get up, to walk, go outside, lay down. Her once well toned, muscled body now like a rack of bones. Still, it has been a difficult decision. I felt as in some way with no Maggie here I’d be losing another little piece of Gary. It has only been with the loving help of dear friends (answered prayer) I was able to see it’s time to let sweet Maggie go. So, this morning with tears flooding my eyes, and friends standing near  Dr. Jenny came to the house. I snuggled Maggie one last time and rubbed her ears. I held  her face in my hands and kissed the top of her head. And said a final farewell to our ever faithful, loyal and loving Maggie Doodle.

 I believe it’s true. All dogs go to Heaven.  And as Maggie crosses that rainbow bridge to the other side, I’m pretty sure it’s my Gary Dobbs waiting there at the gate to welcome her through 

                                                       

                                                     

*Heartfelt thanks to dear, and caring friends Denise, Jeanne, Sue, Debbie and Chuck. Dr. Jenny Linstron,  and Clarkston Vet

Let Freedom Ring

 The 4th of July

an all American holiday

celebrating  Independence, and freedom

of speech

of worship

from fear

and want

No taxation without representation 

The Declaration proclaiming

unalienable rights;

Life

Liberty and the

Pursuit of happiness 

Self evident truths made clear;

liberty and equality 

endowed by our Creator

The brotherhood of man, and sisterhood

Fireworks

Hot dogs

Parades

the gathering of family and friends

in someone’s backyard, at the beach

or in the park

Watching Yankee Doodle Dandy on TV

Waving the flag

and singing God Bless America

Memorial Day Past, Memorial Day Present

Memorial Day

a day originally 

set aside 

to recall 

and remember

World War I 

inspired by a poem

a place of the battle dead

Flanders Field.

Red Poppies

Veterans

Cemeteries

Loved Ones gone

And now, too

Parents

Grandparents and Great-Grandparents

Uncles and Aunts

a Brother

Sister

a Spouse

and friends

To memorize, like a favorite Bible verse, and hold dear tender moments with our cherished beloved no longer here.

 To honor them and their story;

 and stories of ancestors we never knew except those handed down from one family member to another. Each a part of the fabric of life,  adding to who we are. I think of my great-great uncle, Andrew Gavin Norton who died of influenza in France in WWI. I picture him close in age to my hero, my Grandpa Cooney, who also fought in France during WWI. I wonder if they knew each other. If they were on the same ship going overseas. If they were in the same camp. While my Mother never knew her uncle, she always referred to him as Uncle Andy and would tell my brother and me stories about him , and of his sad demise in the First World War,  and how his younger siblings looked up to him; our Uncle Joe and Uncle Lee and Aunt Nor and Grandma Blanche,  and how his Mother, our great great Grandmother, Mary Gavin Norton -  who passed away when I was 9, received a check for six dollars from  the U.S. government every year until her passing because her oldest  son died in France during the Great war.  My Mother would tell how she,  with her family would drive 91 miles from Council Bluffs to Odebolt  every Memorial Day - their car loaded with freshly picked Peonies  from their yard to lay at gravesites at St. Martin’s cemetery there. Including Uncle Andy’s. Mother would always smile telling of this special time and  how they would sing, and eat a sack lunch on the way, and visit all day with Aunt Mag, and other extended family listening to tales of far away Ireland.

                                                       

 

In a recent text from my cousin, Shauna she mused , even though Memorial Day is tearful and bittersweet, those who know great loss continue to lovingly celebrate those who have gone ahead. And I do mean “ahead”, K- Minnie. Remember when we were little and veterans dressed in their uniform would hand out little red artificial poppies? At the time, and having no real reference to their meaning, I just thought it was so sweet that they loved red flowers and wanted to share them. Every Memorial weekend from probably age 4 to 12, I would wait at the kitchen window and watch for Grandma and Grandpa Packard (Shauna’s maternal grandparents) to pull in the driveway . I sat in the backseat of their red Lincoln, a little space saved just for me next to the side window, and the rest of the backseat and floor was filled with buckets of water exploding with peonies and roses from their garden. The trek began. No freeways! So we meandered through SLC, Provo, Springville, Spanish Fork stopping at all the cemeteries. My grandma had 11 siblings. So there were uncles and aunts and great this and that. They would bring folding chairs, picnic baskets and visit all day; talking, greeting. Tears, laughter, hugs, homegrown flowers, memories. A slower time and pace. They knew what helped mend broken hearts. They had experienced a lot of it. All of it cathartic, to help those who hadn’t yet gone.

I appreciate all my cousin shared; her sweet reminiscing about loving grandparents, and Memorial Day past. 

About this day, and what it really represents; the remembrance of others no longer on this earth. Of those who have died defending our country, his or her great sacrifice to a cause beyond themselves. 

May 30, 2010 brought another kind of Memorial Day remembrance to me, and to our family. The sudden, unexpected death of my younger brother, Walt. He was 55, and suffered from a massive heart attack. No goodbyes, no last hugs, or gentle words. He was gone in a matter of seconds. My baby brother, whom I adored from the moment Mama brought him home from the hospital.  And our Mother and Dad, so heartbroken and sad.

                                                         

 In giving the eulogy at my brother’s funeral 12 years ago, I read one of  e.e. cummings most poignant poems. Since then my precious Mother and darling husband have passed away. So today,  Memorial Day 2022 I once again share this poem by e.e. Cummings. For Walt, our Mother and Gary. I remember them with clarity and deep love. Longing for their presence, to make me whole again. Until then I trust somehow they’ll know, 

 i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) 

i am never without it (anywhere I go my dear, 

and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you 

here is the deepest secret nobody knows 

here is the root of the root and bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide 

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Her Name is Mother

There is only one above all others

Her name is Mother

For she is the first to hold us near,

To gaze at us through loving eyes

To kiss our cheek, and 

whisper our name

To love us simply, and beautifully

for just being born

It remains with us through all our years

Her sweet, unconditional love

and guiding hand

And when her time comes

to leave this earth

(and our sorrow is great)

We take comfort in knowing

Her lasting light remains 

forever, within our heart

*** For my beloved Mother. So blessed am i to be your daughter. & For my Sons. So grateful i am to be your Mom

May 2. Our Wedding Anniversary

 You seem to be doing well they say. Accepting. Adapting. Getting along since he’s been gone. How long has it been now? A year and a half?

 I smile. But inside, I cringe and sigh. And think of  the tears I shed alone. Feeling lost.  Still trying to find myself without the one I loved so intimately. The feel, and smell of him. The touch of his skin next to mine. The sound of his voice asking, Have I told you today that I love you? Or Would you marry me all over again ? And how we would say to one another, always kiss before you say goodbye.   How I was his Kathleen, and he my Gary Gene. 

                                                   

Today, May 2 is our wedding anniversary. I reflect on our many years together. All that we lived, and shared, and how good it was - building a business, making a home, raising a family. Sharing disappointments, and dreams fulfilled. Laughter and tears. Playing together, praying together, growing together;  we were lovers, and the closest of friends. Early on in our marriage, Gary’s dad said to me, I’m glad you’re in Gary’s life. You help calm him. In truth, we helped calm each other, and boost one another. We were very much in sync. Comfortable, and happy together in living the routine of our married life. An observer might say, seems rather ordinary.  I’d smile, and tell them no, not ordinary at all, but most extraordinary, and lovely the life my husband and I shared together.  After all, isn’t it the ordinary of shared life together day after day, night after night, year after year that blossoms into the extraordinary? The blending of two hearts into one, and soulmates eternal?  So Gary Dobbs, if you’re asking now somewhere from your heavenly perch, would I marry you again? You already know the answer my dearest darling, in a heartbeat. Again, and again. 

Happy Anniversary to us, Gary Gene ♥️

 I love you forever and always, your Kathleen

                                                       

  

April 24. A Very Special Birthday

 She was a woman who listened with her heart. Kind. Caring. Fun. One who naturally, and genuinely spoke an encouraging word to those in need. Whether it be a dear friend, or stranger. From an early age I had observed whoever she was with she made  feel special; by giving them her undivided time, by being present to them and letting  them know what they said, and shared was important to her.

                                                   

Filled with faith. She was steadfast and true. Easy to be around. Easy to laugh. Easy to love. She would say if you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all. She always saw the glass half full, and believed, and trusted the Lord would provide. 

Hard working and persevering at her job away from home, and at home; raising two children and providing a joyful, peaceful, secure atmosphere where love abounded. Her kids and grandsons adored her, and she them. She was talented and creative, but unassuming. Blessed with a generous spirit. An avid reader, especially poetry, she would read aloud to her son and daughter from the time they were very young: Eugene Field, Longfellow, Edgar A. Guest, Dickinson, James Whitcomb Riley and others.  

My brother and I cherished those times!  I always knew how fabulous and lovely Mother was, how lucky Walt and I were she was our Mom. Especially now feeling the void, the emptiness of her not being here, physically near to hear her voice. For her to read aloud one more time from one of her favorite books.

Today, April 24 is my Mother’s birthday. She would be 89. Mother, my brother, Walt and my husband are gone - called to their heavenly home. I long for them, lonely for their presence. I picture them together, and listen for their laughter as they celebrate Mom, and smile. Remembering. It was a good time. It was the best time. It seemed a short time. But such a good time. It was a party just being near you .

Happy Birthday, my dearest, most darling  Mother! Oh! How I love you. Forever and always. … your daughter, Kathy 

To Pause, and Pray (Merry Christmas)

                                                                            

Throughout the four weeks of Advent, a time of reflection and waiting, we take time to pause from the distractions that keep us away from growth of spirit and unselfish love.  We search, and search until finally we can point ahead to the light piercing the darkness. The bright star beaming down from Heaven in that great and glorious moment. Leading us forward to the Son of God. The Son of Mary. The Christ child born to heal our brokenness with His gifts of  hope, peace and joy. We kneel, bow our heads and pray, thank you God for Christmas Day!

 

Thanksgiving

 Here in America Thanksgiving Day is to commemorate that first Thanksgiving centuries ago. I recall in grade school we’d draw pictures of Pilgrims and turkeys and Indians; corn and cornucopia and autumn leaves. Plymouth Rock. Mother, Walt and I would gather at my Grandmother’s  house for traditional Turkey dinner; mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, gravy, creamed corn, green beans,  dressing and cranberries. Pumpkin pie. The smell from the kitchen sublime. We could hardly wait to sit down and eat. The table set so lovely and nice with Grandma Viv’s Vernon Ware. Memories happy and sweet. 

                                                 

 Youthful days pass away. Then, happily ever after married life, and children of my own; Gavin and Garrett. Tradition carries on. Now including Patsy’s Pumpkin bread and my husband’s favorite, Cornbread dressing. Card games, football games, Mom reading a favorite poem aloud, and family prayer giving thanks. 

We all have something to be thankful for. Another day of life, and love. 

The past. Our dear ones gone before us. So very much a part of us. Forever. Wherever we go. Whatever we do.

 The present. Our beloved family still here, and the great blessing they are.  Trusted lifelong friends, and new friends found - to share, and help shape our character.

 The future. Of whom we shall become. Hope in the promise of eternity, and God’s Divine Providence 

To give thanks for this moment. For this time. For this place. For what was; for what is to come. And always God’s tender mercies, His great grace.

***Thanksgiving 2021. An empty chair for my dear Mother and Gary. For my brother, Walt. Their presence never to be forgotten or wiped away. Only sadness at them not being here. But joy in remembering who they were, what they brought in being near . 

 Thanksgiving. 

The Wind Storm, and Pondering ….

                                                                                   

                                                                          

 A mighty wind storm tonight. It’s gusts billowing through the trees, the sound of broken branches snapping, cracking, falling to the ground. There’s a tapping, clanking noise at the outside door, like someone knocking wanting to come in; The windows rattle while backyard chimes sway, making music, like a melodic song. I’m reminded of Dylan’s famous lyrics  how many miles must a man (woman) walk down? The answer my friend is blowing in the wind. I listen. And wait. And wonder. But to me the answers not clear. The wind with its whistling, harrowing, sometimes unsettling sound. Swift and powerful. Then a lull and all is quiet. Eerie. Especially in the dark of night. Yet, peaceful. I warm my back in front of the fireplace. And ponder.  The times of our life passes so quickly by. And we’re left with only photographs, and the memory of, if we’re lucky. Of loved ones we spent a lifetime with now gone. Of family and friends we’ve known since childhood, and other dear ones more recent. How do I make a difference? Especially to those I love. By choosing to be kind. Forgiving. To hold no malice, but to understand. To lend a hand, to share a smile. To give to another what so many have given me. A listening ear and time.  So what did I learn this windy night? The answer, my friend isn’t blowing in the wind, but in the quiet of our heart.

Leaves

                                                      

In summer, leaves so lush and lovely upon the trees 

provide shade and beautiful shadows 

with varied colors of green

Then seasons change, and their color

turns from green to a brilliant red, yellow and orange

And the leaves begin to fall away 

Covering  damp ground like a quilted blanket

(only to be raked into piles, and bagged)

Leaving the Redbud and Mock Cherry and Maple

with empty, barren branches; 

to stand alone through another winter

A Perfect Fit

 We remember each birthday with celebration, sending cards and giving gifts. Eating cake and ice cream. Having a party to mark we’re another year older; thankful for the gift of life. But how do we remember a death day? When someone departs this world, leaving loved ones behind. There’s no joyous party or celebration every year. It’s a somber, bittersweet day of remembering a loved one saying their final goodbye, that last embrace and tender kiss.  

But in the sadness there’s also a sweet remembrance of who that person was, the cherished moments shared, and how very good it was. 

                                                  

October 10. Today is one year since my husband, Gary passed away. And October 26, three years since my Mother gone. There’s not one day I don’t think of them, and miss them.  Anticipating this date, but not looking forward to it I decided to look through our family photos, and was surprised at the joy it brought me; to see, and recall the big and little, the ordinary and not so ordinary times of our life together. The word blessed can sometimes be over used, but truly Gary and I were blessed. In our marriage, in our friendship, in our sons; in the faith we shared.  Gary and I not perfect people, but we were a perfect fit one to another. So this day, the day of my husbands passing, I celebrate him; the good, kind, fun, generous, hard working, faithful man he was. And am ever grateful for our many years together. 

I love you for all eternity, Gary Dobbs. I carry you in my heart  

Your Kathleen.

Of Love and Good Cheer

                             

October 1. A beautiful Fall day.

Writing words of love and good cheer

to say i believe in you my friend, 

and all you can do

Don’t be discouraged, nor dismayed

Know God is with you today,

and everyday. And your loved 

ones, too,gone before. Praying

that all be well, and your path be smooth

as you journey forward 

on life’s unknown trail

Plan and Purpose

 i know the words of Scripture, trust and believe. And i do. Believe. That God has a plan and purpose. Life. And death. Our souls in eternity. Still, like a spoiled child, i stomp my feet and pout wanting my Gary here with me. And my Mother, and brother. To hear Mom’s voice, like she used to do, telling me to take a deep breath, to be still and know that all will be well. And my husband with his confidence, and conviction giving me confidence, too. And my brother with his sweetness and easy laughter making me laugh. 

For the first time in my life i live alone. Figuring things out on my own. But then i remember, except for God. He who is always near, and will see me through. Until one day, some day i will meet up again with those i love dear… and His great glory

                                            

                                     

Music to Words

                                

                                

If only to compose music to words i write

What tune would it carry? Lilting and sweet 

A song of beauty

uplifting the soul; of thanks and hope and being grateful 

Caring, sharing, fairing one well. To inspire.

Dancing to the music and singing out loud

Laughter.

To create, and celebrate 

Fellowship and friendship

Family forever

To hold hands, and share love

one to another 

In a circle unbroken

in a circle unbroken

Woven round and round

and inside out

On earth, and in Heaven

Never to end

never to end 

Love, family and friends

Are There Balloons in Heaven? (Updated)

 September 4. Today would be my brother Walt’s 67th birthday, but I wonder how old he would be in Heaven? Is he ageless? Or forever young? Does he look like the carefree, happy fellow from days of his youth, or like the mature, handsome man he was when departing this earth at age 55?

Is he celebrating with saints and angels, and our beloved Mother, Lenora and my husband, Gary; with grandparents, aunts and uncles and cherished family friends gathered together in the celestial realm? Are there balloons and presents, or are such things only for this time and place?

Is he looking through Heaven’s window? and smiling to see his dear Dad, and all those who love him still. Remembering him, recalling the joy he brought into our life. I have a strong feeling the answer is yes; not only smiling, but loving us back.

I’m sure Heaven is lit up a little brighter today, and the Angelic choir in joyous harmony as they sing Happy Birthday to my little brother. And the gift he receives? The perfect gift of Eternal life; seeing the Savior face to face. Renewal. Restoration. Made whole. Reunion with those he loved, and who loved him. Like David of old, I picture Walt dancing for joy; and our sweet Mother and Gary rejoicing, and dancing with him.

                                                          

*Happy Heavenly Birthday, Walt! Give Mom and Gary a hug from me

** The original of this blog published September 2017. Since then both my Mother and husband have passed through Heaven’s door. This updated blog reflects that

All Different, Yet the Same

We’re all different, every one of us; yet we’re the same. In wanting to be loved and cared for. Needed. To succeed in our life’s dream, Whatever it might be. A poet laureate. A Master Chef. The President. We’re all different, every one of us: yet the same. Longing for peace, and freedom to express our faith, and share love and friendship,  and happy times with family and friends. We’re all different, everyone of us; yet the same. Created by the Creator; our souls longing for, pursuing, seeking the Heavenly realm. Even if unknown or not aware. We’re searching.                                      

7

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To Stand on Higher Ground

 The United States, and the world in chaos now. Strife. Confusion. Fear. Uncertainty. Loss of life from drive by shootings,  and Covid. Illegal immigration, disgruntled citizens, and turmoil in Afghanistan. One wonders, where is leadership? And moral and righteous authority.  A call for unity. Reminding us, a nation divided cannot stand, but only fall. To know our history, both good and bad is part of who we are, that through the ages we strive to grow and become a better people ; one for all and all for one. Recognizing in each other our Creators goodness and grace, no matter creed, religion or race.  

John F. Kennedy said, Ask not what my country can do for me, but what can I do for my country?  I say let’s stop bickering and fighting , and  come together, work together in fellowship and unity. One nation under God . Let us individually, and collectively become the moral authority. To stand on higher ground.

God Bless America ! God Bless all nations with peace and harmony 

Bill Rivers’ Lament (for Diana)

 Diana Rivers, and her husband Bill have been dear friends of mine for over half my life. After a long illness, Diana passed away July 31, 2021. My husband, Gary passed away not a year before, October 10, 2020. 

With the death of our beloved spouses, Bill and I became members of a club neither one of us ever sought,  or hoped to join - The Surviving Spouse club. Left lonely, sad, heavy hearted; having to accept, learning to adapt to that strange feeling of not having our lover, our partner, our soulmate near. The one who was so much a part of us, in the very sinew of our being.  Whether death of a loved one comes suddenly, or lingers on, the shock, the sorrow, the sadness is the same. The grieving process is just that , a process to be worked through.  Memories held dear wrap around us like a comforter while sitting in a favorite chair as we long to touch the hand, the face, embrace our loved one no longer here. 

In an expression of grief, Bill wrote, and asked me to share his lament, It Wasn’t Suppose to End Like This.  I do so now. ….. 

                                                                         

It wasn't suppose to end like this....

I began dreaming, praying and meditating about how Diana and my journey together would end when we were first diagnosed with PSP 14 years ago and told we had but a few short years left. I could never believe that we would not be sitting on a perfect crescent shaped, sandy beach at Napili Bay on Maui, in our late eighties/early nineties, Mai Tai's in hand, laughing about all the crazy and wonderful adventures we had while watching the sun sink into the ocean between Lanai and Moloka'i, a 40 foot sloop disappearing around the point and us slipping away from one paradise to another, holding hands. This is how I always dreamed it would be

It wasn't suppose to end like this.  

Rest In Peace dear Diana, eternal light shine upon you +

Who am i ?

 Who am i? Daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend;  Who am i ?

Body, soul, spirit.  Seeking the eternal, but living life now in present time. Guided by everlasting  light . And those who have gone before me. Wishing me well, to persevere and carry on , until we meet again in Heaven’s awesome glory