April 2003. The Time We Had

   

   

There are moments in life, special times when everything flows perfectly together . Like it was ordained from on high, meant to be. Family and friends. Even the weather. That’s how it was in April 2003 when my Mother celebrated her 70th birthday. My husband, Gary and brother, Walt and I planned a surprise birthday party for Mom. I called Mary Lee, one of Mom’s dearest friends to tell her about our plans, and to ask what restaurant she recommended here in the valley (it was The Helm),  and to get a list of friends for us to invite. 

The party was to be the second surprise; the first was Walt flying in from St. Louis the day before. The pure joy, the happy surprise on Mom’s face when she opened the front door to see her son standing there is one of those precious moments never forgotten. Hi Mom, Walt said, and with his cute smile wrapped her in a warm embrace and lifted Mom right off the ground. 

While I hadn’t met all of Mom’s friends, I had heard endearing stories from her about each of them. So for a second time in two days to witness the sheer delight  on Mom’s face when she walked into The Helm to see so many of her friends there to celebrate her birthday was magical. She truly was surprised! Our long time family friend, Patty had flown in from Denver , and my son, Gavin was there, too. And our dear Jim. We had sworn him to secrecy. Garrett and family, living in California sent loving cards and notes.  After  The Helm, still feeling joyous and celebratory, the party spontaneously moved to Brenda’s home to see her gorgeous gardens, then caravanned to Jeanne’s River House with it’s beautiful view.  Mom’s party was the first time I met Jeanne and Brenda. Through the years, and because of Mom I have been blessed in their continued friendship. 

Walt, and Patty stayed on a few more days. 

Much has changed since then. Jim passed away in 2008. Walt in 2010. My beloved Mother in 2018, and my darling Gary just this past October.

Today, I sit on the swing in  Mother’s backyard reflecting on,  and remembering that April of 2003 when our health was good,  and life was fine and bright and merry, and how we laughed and played and danced and sang.  We loved each other,  and liked being together. We felt comfortable in one another being ourselves.  No pretenses or airs. I think about how it was Mother’s birthday, but she was the gift.  Always giving of herself to my brother and me, always letting us know how much we were loved; to Gary and her grandsons. To her friends,  always an encouraging word and being present to them.  I have tears. Tears of sadness at what I miss, but also tears of joy at what I had. And a grateful heart, giving thanks to God for my Mother being mine and the life we shared. 

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mom. I love you always.

*** After my brother returned home he compiled all his photos and chose four great songs for slideshow he made. Shown here below . Wonderful then, but especially so now. Each of us has a family story, special to us. I share a bit of mine with you now. 

An Easter Message 2021

 

                                                          

At Good Friday services today, Father Jeff, our pastor at Holy Family shared when he was a younger man how he pondered the question, if he had been  at Jesus’ crucifixion would he have stayed like John,  or because of the hostile crowd, become frightened, and run off along with many of Jesus’ disciples. That hit a nerve with me, and I ponder, too. Would I have stayed , or ran off ? I’d like to think I would have stayed. Drawing near to the cross of Christ. Crying. Looking at Jesus, trying to reach up, touching his bloodied, nailed feet. Calling out, Jesus, please don’t go, persevere.  Praying ultimately to the Heavenly Father, for the release of Jesus’ pain. For his peaceful passing from this earth. No longer to suffer.  Knowing I wouldn’t be there because of any bravery on my part, but because I wouldn’t want Jesus to leave me, to be left alone without him. To have to fend for myself. To be alone without His company and companionship , His unconditional love.  Maybe that’s why God gives us the chance to care for others, our loved ones on this earth in their last moments - to help us see Jesus in them , and know, like Jesus, they are with us always.

I ponder too, something a dear friend messaged me the other day, I can only hope you have found your way without him. She was referring to my husband, Gary . I know she wrote with love and care, and I am so grateful. I read her words several times, and reflected how I would reply. Finding my way without him. I thought long and hard. Have I found my way without him? He, who was the other half of myself ? My anchor, and my sail. The one who grounded me , and also lifted me higher ; Helping me to be the better me. 

Almost seven months he’s been gone. This man I loved with all my heart, this man I shared 45 years of my life with . Have I moved on ?  No. I will never move on , leaving Gary behind. He will always be with me, forever and always . But, I am learning to adapt; to ‘carry on’ as my cousin Shauna encourages me to do.  I am blessed in family and friends being present to me: listening to my silence, and my sadness. Reassuring and caring. Allowing me time. Theirs is a true, great gift of love. And for them my heart overflows. 

My reflection, my pondering now turns to Easter, just a few days away. The risen Lord, the promise of eternal life and what it means. What is promised to those who believe. I think not only of my darling husband , but my beloved Mother and brother, Walt; my grandparents , aunts, uncles and dear friends gone from this earth.  Renewed, restored, made whole in the Heavenly realm. And I am encouraged. Bolstered to persevere, yes, to carry on until some time, in God’s time,  once again Gary and I will embrace like long lost lovers ; overjoyed. (and my dear mother, my brother , and all my loved ones gone before)

Because He has risen. Alleluia! Alleluia!

Happy Easter