Notes to Gary (one month gone today)

                                                        

#1

My darling Gary, 

     I miss you so. The sound of your voice, the touch of your hand, the feel of your lips kissing mine. 

     Where are you, Gary? In which of the Lord’s many mansions are you making your dwelling ? Please let me know. Some sign, some word that you’re okay. I wonder if you’ve met up with my Mama, or yours?  I never liked being far from you. In all our years together very rarely were we apart. I ache for you now, wanting you near.  

       I’d like to think I always appreciated our great life together. But maybe not as much as I should have, sometimes taking it for granted. I am grateful there was never ever a time - not once we weren’t assured of each other’s love and commitment to one another. I smile at the sweet routine of our daily life; the precious moments of me and you, how we completed one another in body and spirit and were so easy together. Comfortable. Compatible. Each other’s trusted confidant.  We travelled some, but mostly were content to be at home. Playing cribbage and ping pong, listening to music and watching college football.  And our sons, Garrett and Gavin. The delight we took in them, the joy they brought us. 

     Ours was a simple life, but such a good, good life.

  #2

Gary,  if ever I complained in caring for you , tending to your needs, I am sorry. Please forgive me. It was my great blessing to serve you, my darling, to walk with you the dementia road you travelled. It was a journey we were on together. One neither of us had planned on, nor wanted to take. But like all of the  journeys throughout our married life - some requiring more endurance and faith than others, we travelled it together side by side. Sometimes you taking the lead, at other times, me. But always together.  Persevering and hopeful. And especially you, Gary, your courage and strength so remarkable. And how each day you’d say, you know I think I’m getting better was an example of your positive attitude. But  then again, your positive attitude, your determination to see things through, your trust in God always inspired me; telling me not to be afraid everything would be okay. You truly were the wind beneath my wings.

#3  

     Gary, tonight as I dozed on the love seat I felt your presence. As though you were sitting next to me. The feeling so real, I spoke to you aloud - like the Ghost and Mrs. Muir.  Was that you, my darling Gary berry? I believe it was. Please, come again soon. I’m here waiting for you.

     Our friend Ernie says I’m one of his heroes. I feel like no hero, only broken and sad. Shattered. Wondering what am I to do without you. I’ve told others I went from my Mother’s bed to my husbands bed. A bed you and I shared for 44 years.  Trusted friend. Lover. My cherished husband. Father of our children. To me, you are the hero. Always standing tall. Lifting up, and encouraging others; encouraging me. Enduring great anguish without complaint. Loving unconditionally.  I can tell you with certainty Gary Gene Dobbs, you’re the only one for me - on this earth,  and through all eternity.  I am ever, your Kathleen.