Words of Remembrance: Gary Dobbs

                                                                                   

                                                      

                 Our Pastor says about eulogies that folks either  demonize or canonize the departed one. I’m not here to do either - demonize or canonize my darling husband, Gary Gene Dobbs - well, canonize maybe just a little. 

A favorite story of mine is when Gary was a young boy living in Kansas. It was Halloween and Gary and his two younger brothers were out trick or treating. The night was cold and snowy. Vic had lost one of his shoes and started crying saying he couldn’t go any further because his foot was frozen,  and his legs hurt.  Gary, like the good big brother he was told Vic it was going to be okay, and had him climb onto his back, carrying his  little brother nearly a mile to their home. I think this story early in my husbands youth sums up his creed throughout his life. To be caring, reassuring , loving, supportive; a problem solver taking action. 

In  Gary’s older age I think about another time two and a half years ago when I needed an MRI. I had never had one, and being claustrophobic and anxious I was frightened.  Gary had already started experiencing signs of his illness, but he went with me to help calm, and reassure me that all would be well, that he would be right there with me. And he was. After I got onto the machine, Gary  stood there through the  entire duration rubbing my feet helping to sooth my anxiety, even though his legs weakened and unsteady.  That was my Gary; Caring. Reassuring. Loving. Supportive. 

A very good man was he; Faithful and true in how he lived his life. A man of honesty and integrity. He set goals, and persevered in reaching those goals. In his early years he worked hard to help manage his family’s auto part stores, and for over 30 years he was president and owner of Nutritional Data, Inc., the company he founded in 1979.  Doctors and health care practitioners he worked with still speak of his good character and the valuable  knowledge he provided them. 

Gary was protective of me and our sons, and encouraged us in our endeavors. He was steady, and strong. Constant, like the stars in the sky. Always there. We knew we could depend on him, that he loved us. Gary delighted in being a Dad and was so proud of our sons, Garrett and Gavin. Garrett played football throughout junior and senior high school. With only one exception , Gary never missed a game, scheduling his appointments around Garrett’s game time.  He never missed one of Gavin’s piano recitals or school performances , was always at his wrestling matches in junior high. He laughed with our sons and made memories with them; dirt bike riding, skiing, snow machines, homework, Scouting and Science projects;  Magic Mountain , Broadway musicals and  Disney World. The Statue of Liberty and Tower of Terror.

Gary was a good cribbage player. We played a lot, and would keep a running score. After Gary would win 7 or 8 games I’d say, That’s it! I quit! You cheat! But cheat Gary never did. I think that’s one reason he enjoyed playing golf. Gary said it was a game of honor, and was proud of his single digit handicap. And about our Cribbage games , me not playing never lasted long. Maybe 10 minutes before we were counting those pegs again. 

Throughout  our many years together Gary would ask me at some point during the day, Have I  told you lately I love you ?, or  Well, would you marry me all over again ?  My answer was always the same, you bet I would!   (We did marry twice - the second time at our 25th Wedding Anniversary Mass when we renewed our vows in front of family and friends. And when Gary and I going out- someplace one without the other , maybe to the market or some errand, we’d say to each other , always kiss before you say goodbye, and we’d kiss before heading out the door.  Oh! How my heart aches for one of those kisses now.  And pressed against my heart is that one last kiss with my beloved husband , so tender and sweet before saying our sad, and teary eyed final goodbye.

I love you my dear, darling Gary, now and through all eternity. So proud and happy  I’ve always been being Mrs. Gary G. Dobbs 

                        December 14, 1940 - October 10, 2020

    

                                                                                                                                 

My Darling, Gary

 The room is dark and quiet, except for the sound of Gary’s shallow breathing, the tic tock  of the clock, and songs of faith, and love I compiled on Spotify at 4 a.m. this morning; songs we both like. Songs I hope will calm Gary’s spirit.

 Gary lays in the hospice bed we have set up in the TV room. I sit in a chair next to him. I don’t want to leave his side. I look at his hands, his arms, his face; His handsome face, his beautiful hands. I’m grateful he is sleeping  comfortably right now.  

                                                     

I don’t want to be apart from him. This man I’ve shared 44 years of my life with. During the past few days there have been times I thought,  I can’t bare this. I lost my Mother two years ago this month, and now my husband declining. 

I suppose there were challenges, difficult times in our marriage,  but if so, the good most surely outweigh any bad.  Gary and I worked together, played together, loved together, and yes!, sometimes fought together. Mostly, we liked each other , and enjoyed one another’s company.  When Gary retired we didn’t have to make any adjustments to Gary being home full time because for all our years together Gary worked from our home. We were together 24/7. Some of my friends marveled at how we could make that work.  Thankfully, and most wonderfully,  it did! 

Some who have read my blog know my husband has suffered with Dementia for the past few years, that the journey not always an easy one. I am grateful Gary still knows me, and our sons, Garrett and Gavin.  Yesterday was particularly bittersweet. Gary cried and cried and reached his arms up to hug me. He told me he was dying, and how much he loved me, that he was afraid he hadn’t told me enough.  I assured him he did, telling him how very much I loved him. Tears rolling down his cheeks, I lowered my head into his shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. 

Amy, our Hospice nurse was here earlier, as she was yesterday, along with dear friend, Jeanne, our youngest son, Gavin and his girlfriend Staci. The Hospice Pastor also stopped by to give comfort, telling Gary, in God’s time, and when you are ready. Earlier in the week our Parish priest, Father Jeff was here to anoint Gary and give him Eucharist.  Our oldest son, Garrett, and grandchildren Zachary & Rachel from California visited. And I’ve had many notes, calls  and texts from dear family and friends saying they are praying for my dear husband, and our family.  

Nurse Amy says now a matter of watching, and waiting. My heart weeps. I am sad beyond words to describe. Sad for my husband that he suffers, sad for me that the love of my life, my partner , the father of our children will be departing this earth. I think of lyrics to the song, What’ll I do when you are far away, and I am blue, what’ll I’ll do?

Yet, as much as I want Gary physically here with me, to be ever close to me- to hear the sound of his voice, the warmth of his embrace, to rest in his strength, I’m beginning to accept it’s time for me to let him go - to release my love to God our Father, in the love of our Savior, Jesus Christ, with the Holy Spirit; under the mantle of our Blessed Mother, Mary. To give thanks for my darling Gary, the gift he was to so many. The fabulous, faithful, loving  husband; the father and friend he’s been; generous and good.  And to pray for his peaceful passage through the Heavenly gate . 

 Oh, my darling, Gary.  I love you always and forever. 

Your Kathleen.