A Picture of Dementia

                                                         

This day ....

    At 7a.m. I help my husband out of bed, into the bathroom , then to his recliner chair across the hall in the  den ; I cover him with his favorite blanket  (as he’s always cold ) . He asks  for a Pepsi , he takes one sip , and within 10 minutes is sound asleep. 

At 10:30 a.m. Sam, the shower aid  arrives , at 11:00 a.m. the Hospice nurse,
and  later the Chaplain stops by just to check in to see how Gary is getting along, and
how I am doing. He prays  over Gary. At 12:30 p.m. I give Gary his lunch .  

   Being such a lovely, sunny day I think Gary will enjoy getting out of the house .  I help him get his jacket on , out the front door , down the ramp , into the car .  We drive past Rick’s Family Market on Highland  to  downtown 6th St. , over to Bridge, back up 13th .   And Gary did enjoy.  Streets, 

and places we’ve driven by hundreds of times . But within a short time , Gary said he was confused , and didn’t know where he was , asking if I knew where we were , and where we were going .  I assure him I did . But as all those caring for Dementia patients know , emotions, memory process, mood can change for the one being cared for with a snap of the finger .  

Gary asks me what is my last name . Dobbs, I said.  He looked blank. Then asks me my first name . Kathy .  Another blank look .   

    I would be lying , and venture to say the same of any caregiver  not to admit , even though fully aware of this horrible, progressive disease  that it’s still a shock , and sad , numbing and surreal that the one we have loved for so many years , and loved us in return no longer knows who we are , even our name . 

    Back at home , Gary asks if know anything about him. Yes , I say,   and  related where he was born,  the Kansas city of his childhood and the grammar school he attended there , the Junior and Senior High School he went to after he and his family moved to Compton, California ; his time in the 

Army, and afterwards college. His years working with his family’s auto parts business, and Nutritional Data, inc, the company he founded in 1979 , and successfully operated until his retirement when he sold the business in 2008. Our marriage , and two sons.  Gary  said well, that makes me feel good , if that’s true ,  that someone knows me.  He focused again on the house , saying he was just amazed I knew about this house . He asked who my grandmother was . And about my Mother . Then about the Dobbs’ , trying to remember about his Dad , and uncles .  So sad to see how he struggles with trying to fit the pieces of his life together.  I put my arm around him , and pray silently for the Lord to help my husband , to ease his path. 

    Gary wouldn’t eat all his dinner tonight because he insisted there were mites in his meal , he saw them moving . As he was becoming agitated ,  I take his plate away. 

 Soon after , it was time for his evening meds , then I help my dear one undress , and get him into bed and kiss him goodnight . 

    Sitting here now, in the quiet of the night I  must remind myself , there are  times - a few sweet moments of clarity and recognition , at least for now , I’m so grateful for  when Gary seems content , and I don’t feel so all alone 

And I can smile ,  remembering when .....