Three Months

                                        

    Three months can seem either a long or short time.  Depending on the circumstance I suppose. I recall when I was in school in the 1950’s and 60’s we would get three months summer vacation.  I spent three months in the hospital one year laying in traction due to a broken back and crushed right femur. In my twenties I toured Europe for three months with my friend, Mary Kay.  And today it's been three months since my Mother passed away. Three months of  Mother not being here seems a long time not to hear her voice, see her smile; to sit with her drinking our morning coffee, listening to music, watching birds at the feeder, to feel the touch of her hand.       Sometimes I let myself be fooled  and it seems Mom just away on holiday , and she will soon return home to resume our daily routine,  and all that was familiar and comfortable.  That she would sit again in her prayer chair to read a verse or two from her devotional or poetry book to Gary , Gavin and me.  Something she thought was important to share, and hoping we’d let soak in.    But then I realize my Mother’s not coming back. She won’t be walking through the door, or asking me to get her purse, no more our going to St. Vinny’s together , or out to lunch with  friends. No more laughter and long talks we shared. She’s gone.  Some days I can barely stand it. The pain is so great.
   It’s called grieving. I’ve been reading a lot about it, the process, and have concluded grieving for a loved one never ends , we will always be missing,  and longing for that dear one who was such a vital, loving  part of our life; a void,  an emptiness is there now . How can it not be ? We are lonely, homesick for the one we love.  But I'm learning  we can also find solace in the Lord's word to us, His promise of resurrected life; that  one day we will be reunited with our deceased loved one(s) ; transfigured, made whole. Renewed.  Restored. Never to be separated again.  That is our hope. And  our trust in Him who is ever faithful. All in God's good time. Until then with the help of His  grace, and tender mercies we persevere and carry on, thankful for  caring friends and family who help nurture and love us;  cry with us, give encouragement, and listen with their heart.  I am so very  grateful for my dear family and friends who have done  this for me - giving me their time, being present to me, praying for me as I journey through the grieving process, missing my Mother.
    Mary Kay, the same Mary Kay I traveled Europe with for three months in 1974 believes past generations when families were inclined to be together and visit that conversation about the deceased more often, and perhaps more  easily would include stories and memories of the dead. Mary Kay says she  remembers even as a kid listening to the grown ups talk and hearing the conversations that kept departed loved ones in their life, sometimes even ones she'd never met became a part of her.  I share that experience. My Mother often talked of deceased great aunts and uncles, and others she loved and cared for  who had died before I was born, bringing them to life in her stories.  I learned to know them through Mom. And through the years as other family and friends died,including my darling brother, Walt we would think of them and talk  of them with sweet remembrance. 
    I don't recall exactly when but sometime during Mother's senior years she began inviting the deceased souls of beloved family and cherished friends into her front room to pray her morning prayers with her. Putting into practice her belief in 'communion of saints'. When Mom shared this with me I pictured  the dear ones she mentioned, and couldn't help but smile. As I reflect on this now, I am comforted in knowing Mother is with her circle of heavenly friends and family praying for me and her loved ones here on earth. True love is everlasting. It knows no boundaries;  not time, space or distance.  I miss my Mother's physical presence but her enduring love is ever present and eternal. 
    When Edgar A Guest wrote the following poem he said he always felt Mother's Day should be observed every day of the year . Good as it is to set aside one day in her memory, it is never enough. 
I agree. 

Never thought for self had she. 
   Never for herself ambition.
Goal of all her dreams were we,
   Holding us her earthly mission.

We were first in every thought.
    Friend or foe could not divert her.
Failing her in what she taught,
    We alone had power to hurt her.

Looking back, we know today
    We were source of all her gladness,
And whene'er we went astray
     We were source of all her sadness.

This the  mother that we knew !
    Never any life was purer.
Gentle, tender, brave and true,
    Never any love was surer!